Secret Smiles
by SpaceMonkey0941
Summary: A little something for you Sparky shippers out there coughfyd818cough. The thoughts behind the glances. BiteMeTechie's 100 starting lines, number 122, She smiled as if she had a secret . . .


A/N: 100 starting lines from the WPBA forum (courtesy BiteMeTechie, thank you dahling) Line #122, "She smiled as if she had a secret..."

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She smiled as if she had a secret, and he reveled in the way her eyes sparkled like emeralds. He knew that she could never be his, but just as surely, he knew that he loved her.

He loved how she never lost her calm, even in the face of a hostage situation, he loved how she was always there to welcome them back from a mission, and he loved her laugh on movie night, as she sat beside him on the couch and watched the myriad alien conspiracies of Men In Black.

He had learned that she had many faces, most of which he could identify at a glance, but many that were new to him, that he wasn't sure even she knew of. She was a leader, a listener, a friend, an ally, an ambassador, a decision-maker, a negotiator, a beautiful woman, she was everything he could ever hope to have and more.

That was all he could do: hope. For it could never be, and he understood that. It would jeopardize their lives, and the lives of everyone around them, if one of them could not make a decision because of the other. Luckily, as long as he kept quiet about his feelings, they could continue to work efficiently.

They already had gone through a difficult decision, when he had volunteered for the suicide mission to destroy the Hive ship. He had seen another of her faces that day, one he did not want to encounter again. She had shut off all emotion, her face becoming a blank mask, as she coolly gave the order.

He had respected that, but was disappointed all the same. He wanted to know her, to see how she worked, which he could never do as long as she was his commander, as long as she wore the mask.

He continued his charade, going about his daily life, and when he saw her, his sarcastic remarks and semi-caustic exterior covered what he said with his eyes.

_I love you, Elizabeth Weir._

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She smiled gently, the extent of emotion she allowed herself when she thought of him. She still could not believe that all her years as an ambassador had prepared her better for hiding her secret love than for negotiating for supplies from alien worlds.

As she watched him give his report, however, she knew that it was worth it. He was worth it. He complimented her, he was the one who kept her grounded when she was in danger of losing her calm exterior, he was the one she smiled at when his team returned from a mission safe and sound.

He was carefree while she was cautioning; he was sarcastic when she was placating. When they worked together, they would exchange amused glances at the bickerings of the scientists, then he would break up the argument by cracking a joke.

He always joked, and she always laughed inside. The crowning misery of her life was that their relationship could never be more than leader and subordinate, even though he wasn't really her subordinate. They were on equal footing mentally, and had equal standing among the population of the city. She ultimately made the decisions, but always listened to his input, balancing it fairly with that of everyone else's.

He always listened to her, as well. When she spoke at the meetings, he stopped fidgeting and looked at her respectfully. Once in a while, he would make a smart remark, but it never quite matched the look in his eyes.

That was the one thing her years of training had not prepared her for: she could tell the mood of any meeting between any group of world leaders the second she stepped into the room, she could defuse a situation before it got ugly, she could read every expression he had ever shown her, but not this. His eyes, never moving from her as she spoke, were trying to communicate a silent message to her, but she just couldn't decode it.

She supposed it was only fair, because she couldn't tell him how she felt either. All she could do was sit behind her mask and whisper her secret silently,

_I love you, John Sheppard._

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A/N: -sniffles-

A/N2: I think this sort of goes with my 'fic "Ships That Passed In The Night", although that was Ronon/Teyla, but it's the same sort of feeling. Anyway, that oughta keep you Sparky fans happy for a while (yes fyd818 I'm looking straight at you) so I'll just be off in a corner writing Snarky 'fics for a while.

-toddles off whistling-


End file.
